Meet the Kanya! |
 |
Meet the Kanya! |
|
|
Home |
Meet the Kanya!: I really thought a lot on what should be the title for this article before settling for 'Meet the Kanya'!.I hope you'll like the title as well as the article. Here we are talking about the word 'Marriage', the very word which shooks a bachelor who is enjoying all the freedom in the world and which makes a 20+ girl turn shy and also makes parents feel their ground loosen. There has always been so much of importance attached to this concept of marriage in India.This article is going to emphasize on the pre-marriage hassles,preparations, searching the prospective bride/groom (the so called Mr.Right and Ms.Right!) and since its going to be published in a web site mainly meant for the people of Dharwad and for those who are interested to know more about it, lets talk about the pre-marriage stuff as it happens in a small place like Dharwad. The most important stage that everybody goes through is that of meeting the girl or the boy at some place to talk to each other and getting to know one another in a real short time .This stage is called 'Kanya Nododu/Torasodu'!(But never 'Vara torasodu' something which has always baffled me). This stage comes once the 'janma kundalis' of the boy and the girl are approved and confirmed by a family consultant who is specialized in this field.The chosen place for 'Meet the Kanya' is usually the girl's house where the boy comes along with his parents and some times friends too if he cannot take a decision based on his own judgement.Many times people bring their gigantic family (Mama,Mami,Atya,Kaka,kaku etc)much to the discomfort of the girl's family. They never care about what kind of impression that might leave on the other party's side. Inspite of all this the girl's parents have to be real careful at this stage to portray themselves as a very good family and try their best to impress the other party.While the girl's parents are all tensed up its free entertainment for the neighbors if they happen to know that something like this happening in their neighborhood. One can see almost every neighbor peeping out of their windows to see what the boy looks like as soon as he comes.Its so embarrassing. Anyway, the process begins with a mediator making introductions for both the families and everybody settle down in their respective (marked!) places. You can very well imagine the situations that get created in this kind of environment where two unknown families meet with just a common friend to decide on whether their son or daughter will like the other person.Its amazing to believe somebody decides their would be life partner in a matter of 30-45 minutes. Conversation starts with gathering information on occupation of the boy/girl's father and sincere attempts are made from both sides to establish some kind of relation between both the families to get convinced that the family they are dealing with better be a known one. (Conversation goes like 'Nimaga, Nargund Ramanna gottirbekalla..Avru navu kode adevi sannavriddaga' OR 'Avru navu yella onda onyaga beladavru.Bhala chcholo mandi bidri') If some link is established then the atmosphere becomes more jovial with some old time stories coming from both families. Now, there is good chance that the same closeness might turn in to a relationship!!. While all this is happening the girl is being prepared (or getting ready) to bring her out. Its girl's mother's wish that she wear a beautiful saree and most of the girls do wear them.(Now a days they also wear dresses like salwar kameez to make it look more casual). Once the girl is out she is introduced to the boy and his parents/friends. The boy and the girl are very much encouraged to talk to each other and get as much information from each other in whatever time they have. Its really difficult to talk freely with a strange person (of opposite sex!) when 15 people are watching you so keenly and trying to get every word you utter!! Its more difficult for the shy people and they end up not talking at all and let the elders do all the talking. Really pity those people. Once they finish the whatever little conversation they had the parents take over and dig more information. This stage is more of praising the boy's job or the place where he works.(Like 'computer industry bhala cholo bidri.Egantu yellarigu foreign chance sigtada nodri' OR 'Bangalore bhari beladadripa..Eshtu company bandava ..entana !'). This praising is done mainly by the mediator just to convince the girl's father that your daughter is in safe hands and is going to the right place. The boy and his parents will also listen to all that with much pride!.(Who wouldn't like praises being showered on them?). The girl's parents are also not left behind and show that they have enough knowledge and understanding of the boy's area of work by saying things like 'namma tammana maga nu alle kelsa madtanri, chocholo pagara ada bidri..'. Now its left to the boy and the girl to take the decision. Its so good if the boy and the girl develop an immediate liking for each other. Most of the times it does happen and things go smoothly and decisions are taken in a day or two.Sometimes it takes a week for either of the parties to take a decision. It'll not be fare on my part if I don't say anything about the the so called 'Madhyastha' or the mediator who arranged this meeting for both the parties. These mediators are a different breed alltogether.In kannada they say ' Nooru sullu heli ondu maduvi madu'. The mediators strictly follow this rule. They are the most important people for a marriage to happen.They have a Yellow Pages kind of a book containing all the information about the prospective brides and grooms of Dharwad. The prospective brides and grooms come in all kinds of shapes ,sizes,color,cast, creed and what not. The mediator's brain itself is a massive database of such information with a tremendous querying capacity. You give them any data on a particular requirement and their brain performs complicated queries faster than a PIII processor and dishes out the match you need. They even pull out a photograph and show it to you. Their headquarters (place where you can meet them) is normally a small out house in one of the thousands of residences of 'Malamaddi' or 'Hosayellapur' .Some even put a small colorful board saying ' Illi Vadhu-Vara bagge mahiti siguttade'! Most of these mediators are retired people of Dharwad who do this in the pretext of doing some 'social work' (and some really do for which they should get all the credit and appreciation) and some also charge a nominal amount for giving information. You have to pay a small amount to register and they keep on giving you information till your son/daughter gets married. That's a real good deal indeed. With a boom in the software industry the preference of boy or the girl has changed a lot in choosing their life partner.There is a new availability in the market for grooms who have seen it all.The so called 'Foreign Returned' ones.(Or even guy with 'Foreign chance'!(Sic) ).Its no exaggeration if I say the big corporate names,IPOs have not only affected stock trading but also affected the small middle class homes of Dharwad. A dream of getting a son-in-law who works for a software company and is a potential 'NRI'! I don't think people of Dharwad have analyzed all these traditions so as to make it less troublesome for the parents in finding a good match for their son or daughter.They are so much accustomed to everything. The western concepts of dating has not yet trickled in much in a place like Dharwad.(Atleast it was not there when we were in college). Its equally disheartening to see some stray cases of girl and boy running away to get married against their parents wishes. Anyway the show must go on..so does 'Meet the Kanya'.. |
| -dharwadavan@email.com |