Eve teasing is an interesting topic to different people for different reasons. For parents, it is the safety of their daughters, and sometimes sons too. You may ask how eve teasing affects sons. Not directly, but sons, who eve tease, sometime get thrashed so badly or punished by police in such a humiliating way that parents are left to think that son should rather have been born as a daughter and been on the receiving end of eve teasing. This is how parents would feel for a son who is rounded up by police and given a free ride on a donkey with a garland of footwear as bonus. We often hear news about police rounding up youngsters on the charge of eve teasing, shaving their head and parading them on donkey just to pacify the crowd that they are taking action against eve teasers. To further assure girls, this parade is made to deliberately go in front of ladies college or ladies hostel. Even if someone is involved in eve teasing, this is too harsh (and probably illegal too) a punishment to be meted out a person. For cops, person is guilty until proven innocent. So, in nutshell eve teasing is of grave concern to males as well.

For kids, it's a nuisance. Often kids are asked to escort girls with the hope that accompanying kid dampens the spirit of potential eve teasers. Kids, who have done this escorting service, hate it for several reasons. First of all, older sister does not want 'puttu' (kid brother) to hang around with her everywhere she goes asking her all stupid questions like how babies are born, why is 'RamaNNA'(most ineligible bachelor in the neighborhood) is not married yet etc.

On one occasion I was ordered to accompany my very beautiful cousin to KUD library. On the way the back, I noticed two dogs coupled in a strange configuration and the strangely coupled configuration stood standstill for a long time. At the time, I did not know what that 'coupling' was and asked my cousin the same. She scowled at me and complained about my nuisance after coming back. Then on even when my dad insisted, she never took me as her escort. At that time, I thanked the dogs in strange configuration for having relieved me from that nasty escorting nuisance. Now I realize how embarrassing it might have been for her to explain the strange coupling of dogs to a 5 year old.

Also 'Puttu' does not want to go either because he has to go along with his sister wherever she goes, listen to all girly gossip and still not get answers to burning questions on his mind. On top of it, some eve teasers start teasing kid brothers as a warm up exercise before starting to tease the girl, their actual target. Once, a kid brother escorting his sister was wearing a cap to hide his 'kobbri butt-la' (tonsure on clean shaven head) on his shaved head as his 'munjvi' had taken place just a few days back. Eve teasers, who came on bicycles, knocked his cap off (typically known in Kannada as 'topp-gi haar-soodu'). It was an attempt to irritate the girl who frustrated them by offering no reaction to their eve teasing. They had hoped that her kid brother loosing his "topp-gi" would anger her. Nope. She quietly picked up the 'topp-gi', covered her brother's head and continued.

Sometimes 'ajja and/or ajji' (grand parents) are also sent to escort. Girls hate this also because they preach too much. All they are ready to go with girls is to temple and even there they ask girl at least 100 times if she is really "pure and clean" enough to enter the temple. Ajja or ajji simply don't agree with 'care free' girls of today. This really ticks off girls. So, if it is ajja-ajji's escort, many girls prefer to stay back home and make cotton wicks (i.e. 'batti hoseyudu' in Kannada). Last resort used by parents is to send the dog if no human is available. But dog does not really help unless her owner is attacked and in that case dog's faithful allegiance to its owner might trigger an attack on the attacker. But, it all depends. If the dog finds another dog to engage in strange coupling described before, it might totally forget the owner being eve teased and mind its own business.

I had to go off on a tangent a bit to describe eve teasing and how it is differently perceived as a problem by different people. I have heard people talking about eve teasing from everyone else's perspective except from the perspective of our deal girls who are the actual targets. Since I had not had an opportunity to validate with any girl about her opinions about eve teasing, I always took the opinion of parents, teachers etc. regarding eve teasing with a pinch of salt without completely believing it. I wanted to interview someone who received a good amount of eve teasing for a good amount of time, survived it, had been married happily, had some kids and was in a position to look back on her days when she ruled the beauty scene for good number of years and received more eve teasing than anyone else.

I did not know when I was going to ever get such an opportunity. This person, first of all, had to have all the criteria mentioned above and should be ready to talk candidly about real feeling on eve teasing from the past and be objective as well.

I never knew that I would get an opportunity so soon. It all started when I began planning my last trip to 'desh' (India) a couple of years ago. A friend of mine, from my university days, wanted to send something across to his brother and family in Bombay. Normally I do not stop in Bombay for more than the necessary time to get connecting flight to Bangalore or Goa. Last time I had some work in Bombay for which I had to wait till next evening and had to catch late evening flight to Bangalore instead of usual early morning flight. So, I had good 15-16 hours break in my journey. I was making preparation for my temporary stay in Bombay and this friend said his brother and family wished I stayed with them. I knew his brother and sister-in-law also. So, after customary 'byaad, byaad, summane traas' denial in Kannada I agreed. It is altogether another story that I was the key match-fixer in his brother's marriage to this beautiful belle from Dharwad. That match fixing is another story which needs a separate mention somewhere.

So, I agreed to my friend's suggestion and took his box. Luckily it was a small box. I started my journey. At the airport they customarily asked if I had packed all the stuff myself and equally customarily I answered in positive. I trust my friends.

Flight was uneventful. Occasionally I thought about my hosts in Bombay. I knew this woman during my PUC days as she was my classmate. Prior to that I just knew her family casually by last name but did not know that they raised the most beautiful woman of our time who ruled Dharwad beauty scene from 1988-95. When I saw her for the first time in KCD, she had totally floored me with her stunning gorgeous looks. I was in KCD only for two years. I might have had a crush or two on her but being very realistic and studious I did not focus much on that aspect of life at that time. But she did use to hold onto to my imagination at least for a few hours whenever I saw her in college. Every time I felt distracted by her, I held my 'janivaar', recited my 'mantra' and prayed to God to help me concentrate. God helped and she was just another beauty queen of our time which this poor average Brahmin could not and did not hope for. After PUC she continued to do B.Sc and then went on to do M.Sc and I never saw her after PUC as I myself was out in a far off university. She went out of sight and soon out of mind too. However, I was instrumental in getting her married to my friend's brother as both sides used me to get information about each other's family in addition to other sources. Once while in Dharwad during a semester break, I did visit her house when her mom had called me to their house to ask information about the potential match. But, when I went to their place, she was no where to be seen.

Anyway, I landed at Bombay. Finished usual stuff and got out of the airport at around 2 AM. My friend's brother was waiting to pick me up. Since he resembled my friend so much, it was not difficult to recognize him.

He drove me to his posh flat in Colaba. Being an IIT-B, IIM-A alumnus, he was living like a king. His wife (i.e. beauty from Dharwad) was kind enough to wake up and set me up with some drinks and snacks. I was seeing her almost after 10 years. Wow! She looked as gracious as she was before. Ok, she now had 1.5 kids. One kid and other half-way in production thus 1.5 kids. She did not look as glamorous as before. Naturally, but she was one of those rare people who age gracefully. She talked to me casually and said that she came to know that I was her classmate and she honestly did not remember having seen me at all. I told to myself - when many richer, more handsome, smarter (add other adjectives) people were wrestling with each other to get one iota of your attention how you could have possibly had time to notice this poor Brahmin who didn't exist for many people. Her husband finished his small talk with me and retired. She stayed awake a little longer relieving her swollen feet in cold water. When I enquired what was wrong, she slightly blushed and said that it was temporary weight gain during pregnancy that swelled her feet. Since no one, I knew of, became pregnant after I grew up, I had not seen anything like this and had asked a dumb question and kind of embarrassed her a bit. But, hey, that's okay when you do not have that experience.

I could not fall asleep immediately due to jet lag. My mind went back in time to remember when exactly the first time I saw her was. I could not remember the actual incidence but still remembered that tingling sweet feeling in my heart ('dil mein meethi si chuban' in romantic Hindi) whenever I saw her on KCD campus. Since we were in totally different divisions, we did not attend any classes together. Fond memories of college days danced in front of my eyes. I remembered this woman as a girl then coming to college in a big group of friends and she just stood out among her peers with her 5'7" height, great physique, stunning beauty and absolute grace which many comparably beautiful women lacked. My mind wandered off to remember how people used to compare a few of these damsels and used to have long arguments about who was the most beautiful one. I never indulged in such arguments but they used to be good time pass between class periods. My match fixing activity which resulted in her marriage to my friend's brother showed up in between my thought chain and I gradually slipped into sleep sometime.

I woke up around 8 AM. Her husband was ready to leave for work. He told me that he would pick me up in the evening, drive me to my appointment and then drop me off at the domestic airport. I appreciated his gesture and got myself into the bathroom to get readied up.

I came out fully refreshed. Now I got to see her one kid of 1.5 kids. He was a smart kid. He looked more like his mom. Good for him. Dad might be brainy but looks-wise no match to mom. Dad left and my one-time-classmate picked up the conversation to make me feel at home. I never knew she was such a nice person. How could I when I did not know her at all? Moreover, I felt that she was making an extra effort to know me as if to make up for the fact that she did not even know my existence 10 years back although she had heard about my family vaguely. As usual conversation was around aging parents, her brother's marriage to some out of caste girl etc. Somewhere down the line we opened up and got into a hearty conversation between endless cups of tea. She offered snacks as well but I declined letting my system to adjust gradually. Her kid let us alone by keeping himself busy with his new imported toy which his dad had brought him from his last foreign jaunt.

By then, I had been out of home for more than 10 years. 4 years in a tough university environment and then in corporate world and then back to school and work had made me a better conversationalist than my usual quiet persona ten years before.

This was when my hidden desire to interview a woman about eve teasing really became uncontrollable. Here I had the best candidate who met all my criteria. Looking at the ease at which we were carrying on a fine conversation, she did seem to be a very matured, graceful and well balanced woman. She would not take it wrong if I said that I was interested to know how she felt about eve teasing to which, I am sure, she was subjected to over and over again. I looked at possible risks. There was none other than her not answering my questions as candidly as I would have liked her to. Risk of not taking this risk was too much. I did not know if I was ever going to meet her again or get this opportunity even if I got to meet her again. So, I slowly started letting the snake out just to test the waters.

In a true chivalrous manner I complimented her that she was considered to be the most beautiful girl during our times. She blushed a little and gracefully acknowledged my compliment. I had never seen anyone accepting a compliment so gracefully. Only people who are really worth the compliment can do that when given a genuine compliment. It was clear to her that this middle aged Brahmin gentleman was harmless and genuine.

Then I slowly revealed my desire to know the true feeling of a girl to eve teasing phenomenon. I added 'masala' to better my chances to make her to agree for a long candid interview by telling that since I did not have any sisters I missed growing up in a "full" family environment. She seemed excited. Probably nobody had shown so much genuine and harmless interest in her over last many years. Her high flying husband routinely buried his head in some spreadsheet as soon as he came home and which probably made her yearn for the kind of warmth and genuine interest I was showing in her.

I also told her that I would write about this one day if she did not have any problem. She laughed away all my concerns. But I assured her that I wrote under a pseudonym and would give one to her too. She asked where I wrote. I said that I had always written as a hobby and now post occasional article on websites like www.dharwad.com. She was very excited. She had been regular visitor to www.Dharwad.com. She immediately logged on to the net and surfed to www.dharwad.com. She asked me which of the articles posted on 'Nimmaputa' were mine. I would not answer that question and playfully asked her to figure it out. Thankfully, she does not insist but admired the writer of some articles. I tried hard to conceal my sense of jubilation as all of them were my articles. She even tried to use odd-man-out strategy by asking me if I wrote this particular article or that particular article etc. She gave up as I just did not budge but kept enticing her to figure it out herself.

Then we started the conversation on the actual topic. Since it went a like an interview I will present it so. BHM stands for the author. BQ stands for our friend beauty queen.

BHM: Is eve teasing such a problem to the receiver as it is made out to be?
BQ: It depends on the tactic employed. Some are harmless and some are really harmful. Many times harm is caused by hurt feelings than bodily harm, which rarely happened at least during my time.

BHM: How often were you eve teased? (What a dumb question to a Beauty Queen)
BQ: (Gave me a look to check if I was clueless which indeed I was) Oh! It was a daily routine especially when college was on. Other than that some times in market or in 'jatri' etc. If I average it out, it was at least once on daily basis.

BHM: There is a general perception that girls hate eve teasing to the core. Is it true?
BQ: Not at all. Many of my friends fell in love with some of the relentless teasers and are living happily ever after. It all depends.

BHM: Can you please elaborate? Some of our young friends are confused if the resources they expend in wooing a girl are really worthwhile.
BQ: As far as resources are concerned they are not worthwhile because I do not believe in love marriage and I would not have fallen for any eve teaser irrespective of his any quality. But, there are women who do like causal acquaintances and enjoy being the center of attention. For such people it is may be worthwhile.

BHM: Are you saying that you and your psyche was not all impacted from daily dose of eve teasing?
BQ: Initially yes. But, by the time I got into KCD (at the age of 18) I had mentally prepared myself. I had the advantage of having a big sitter who helped me so much. When someone used lewd language, it felt sick. Compliments did not matter much as I never relied on others' approval for my sense of security. Moreover, those compliments were not as genuine as the one you (BHM) gave me short while back. So, it was a passé. In brief, it did not affect me much.

BHM: Does any of the eve teasers still stand your memory for a good or a bad reason?
BQ: There was this guy who used to play 'pungi' (musical instrument used by snake charmers) tunes using a roll made out of a tender leaf. God! He was really talented. He could easily play any song in that crude instrument with such a melody that I always felt he was squandering his talent. I still think he somehow had read my mind and used to play tunes involving real 'pungi' songs like the ones from snake films like 'Naagin', 'Nagina' etc. I really enjoy them. Even today I listen to 'pungi' songs a lot. In fact, I had even bought a second-hand 'pungi' from snake charmer when we lived in Delhi. But, I could not blow it very well as I could blow similar other organs. I do not know if it is just my imagination or he really read my mind. First time I heard him play was when he played 'Man Dole Mera Tan Dole', a famous 'pungi' song from super hit oldie 'Nagin' while I was walking past Hemmadi canteen. Involuntarily my head swayed in real appreciation and he must have seen it and made a note of it. Then on, anytime he saw me, he stopped whatever he was doing and played one or the other 'pungi' song. So, whenever it felt like listening to 'pungi', we used to take a walk to Hemmadi canteen. He literally spent all his life there. I did not see him much after I went to KUD.

(Note: To listen to hypnotizing 'pungi' songs, visit http://www.musicindiaonline.com/music/l/XX01000D0D)

(Note: This 'pungi' player died in 1993 the year she started her MSc at KUD. It was a small gang war on KCD campus. Opposite group beat this 'pungi' badly. He did not die immediately but lasted almost a year and looked fully recovered but it was then suspected that a hit on his head with hockey stick had caused some internal damage. That's another story which requires getting into murky details of underworld in Dharwad.)

As far as worst experience was concerned, it was in one of the 'Ulavi Basappa Jatri'. I was totally engrossed in watching the elephant and felt some movements at odd areas. Someone was trying to grope the forbidden flesh. I let out a shriek and people caught some nasty person and beat the living daylights of him. Then he was handed over to the police and they made him join the line of eve teasers who were already rounded up. Then on, it was usual - shaved head and parade for those who were rounded up. I was too upset that day to wait for anymore crap. I just came home and relaxed to the tune of my favorite 'pungi' songs.

BHM: Wow! I could never imagine that you like 'pungi' so much. If you have to say about 'pungi' in one sentence, what would that be?
BQ: "Uthao lungi aur bajao pungi" (raise lungi and play pungi). (BQ bursts into a roaring laughter). Ok, let me be clear. What I just said is not actually mine but I have heard people (mostly shiv sena men) use it in derogatory sense for people from Tamilnadu here.

BHM: What was the funniest eve teasing experience?
BQ: I had a very funny experience but not directly related to eve teasing. Do you know < last name of that person >? (I answered yes I knew this joker fairly well). You know this guy was really crazy after me. He somehow wanted to know me. But, he was confused how to approach me. He did not want to eve tease me as he was too decent for that and also I did not entertain that at all. So, he found a novel way to get to know me. He somehow came to know that we were looking for a puppy at that time. I do not know how he came to know about it. My brother had spread a word and he might have come to know that way. One day he stopped me in front of KCD Physics lab as I got out of my practical class. I was alone that day as it was my replacement practical due to missed one previous week. He said 'one minute'. 'Looking for small dogs?' I asked 'Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttt?????????' I was clueless, really. He made hand gestures in attempt to say 'small' and 'dog'. It still does not strike me because I was concerned that in my physics practical I was not able to find the right resonance frequency of the fork. He gave up trying to impress me with his broken English. In 'swachcha' (clear) Kannada he asked 'Naayi mari bekantalla? Tandu kodlenu?' (Aren't you looking for a puppy? Shall I get one for you?) I almost fell down laughing. But, my mom and sister had taught one most powerful way to ward off any unwanted attention - always act serious. I gave him one cold and stern stare and walked away. As soon as I was sure that he could not hear me I started laughing loudly. Some people even looked at me strangely. Oh God! I do not know how long I was laughing that day remembering SDS (Small Dog Salesman) over and over again.

He had come from one those schools where they start English medium in 8th standard. His spoken English had defeated him at the most important moment. I still do not understand why, in Dharwad at least, people of opposite sex try to speak in English when they meet or try to meet. I have not heard anyone who proposed or wrote a love letter in Kannada. However bad it may, they struggle in English. There was this guy who was after a friend of mine. We had one girl in our group who used to act like our big sister and used to advise us to stay away from guys and not indulge in any immoral activities. So, this guy who was after my friend was frustrated thinking that his 'maal' was not falling for him because of this big sister and her advice. He mustered up all the courage and stopped big sister on the way one day and blurted out in broken English 'Don't interfere'. My friend was clueless as she had not interfered in anything that she could possibly think. All of us girls have met one or the other joker of this sort. (Note: Having come from the same school as the person who tried to sell 'saNNAa naayi' to our beauty queen, I was little disappointed that BQ who I was admiring till then stereotyped all of us who switched to English medium at 8th grade for whatever reasons. She conveniently forgot that her IIT-B, IIM-A husband himself had studied in Marathi medium till 8th grade and his English was great enough to abolish any such baseless stereotyping. However, I do agree that our spoken English at that time was not as good as people like our beauty queen who had studied in English medium all through.)

I was in a mood to continue for some more time. But, it was well past into the afternoon. Her kid had to be fed and put to bed for his afternoon nap. Especially that day, it was important to have him sleep for sometime in the afternoon, otherwise he would create havoc in the evening when he was also going to come along with his mom and dad when they were going to drive me to my appointment and then to airport. Nevertheless, I had gotten good deal information about eve teasing from someone who could be a leading authority on the subject. Moreover, after realizing how friendly this woman was, I thought I could possibly manage another opportunity next time. So, next time even if my friend forgets to send any gift his brother, whenever I plan my next trip to India, I am going to stop by and ask if he has anything to give to his brother and sister-in-law. May be that way I will get another opportunity to interview her to my heart's content.

By